The prompt this time began with a funny way to create similes.
Begin with a list of familiar similes, such as “Dumb as an ox,” “Cute as a baby,” and “Horny as a toad.” After you’ve generated ten or fifteen of these, read them over and mix them up so they don’t make sense. So rather than “Playful as a kitten,” your new simile might read, “Dumb as a kitten,” or “Horny as a kitten.” It’s fun to do this in a group and read them around. (This is similar to my “Absurd Modifiers” prompt, but this one focuses on similes in particular. Click here to see the post explaining that prompt.)
Here are the ones I was working with for what I wrote below:
Thick as a baby
Dumb as a rose
Dead as a kitten
Sweet like an ox
Quiet as a peach
Playful as a pig
“Champagne?” he asks, handing me a glass at the front door of his apartment in the Tenderloin.
Two blocks away, I had just passed two transgender prostitutes who asked me for a light as I waited to turn left.
“Sorry, I don’t smoke,” I said.
“Oh,” the taller one said. “Well, do you fuck?”
“Not tonight, ladies,” I said politely, and screeched off.
I take my champagne flute and climb the ragged stairs behind him, watching his muscular ass through the pale blue scrubs he’s wearing. I want to chew on his chocolate ear.
A wave of nostalgia floats over me. What if we fall in love? I could see the headline: “Cynical Forty-Something Falls for Bohemian Queer Newscaster: Do We Hear Wedding Bells?”
The champagne is sweet as vinegar—too warm, and Korbel, or maybe St. Michelle, something lower shelf—but I take a deep swig, trying to suppress the heat rising in my body.
Inside the apartment, he turns to me, the door behind us still open. “Welcome to my haunted apartment,” he says, as a gust of wind from the open window slams the door shut. He laughs his best Vincent Price laugh, “Mmuhaa ha ha ha ha!”
Then he kisses me so deeply and with such deliciousness that I nearly tear off his clothes right then and there.
On the big white bed is a heart-shaped box of chocolates, one dumb rose, and a bowl of strawberries, one of which he’ll shove into my mouth soon, just as I have an orgasm.